can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
