I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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