i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
