Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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