is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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