you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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