We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
