I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
