I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
