I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
