Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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