I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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