I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
