I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I need to stop coming to work sober
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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