grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize