I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will die if light touches me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
