Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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