I hate all girls vehemently.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
