It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
