it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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