What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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