okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
