he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
