I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
