Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
