woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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