I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
