you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
