I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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