I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
