I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
