Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
