I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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