I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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