dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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