oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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