you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize