i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
