What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
