someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
