I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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