Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
