Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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