im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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