yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
