you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
