So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
