So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
