She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
