she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize