I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How naked do you want me to be?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize