Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
