we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I touched a dick in church today
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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