I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
