remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
