I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
