then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
