Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
