Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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