My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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