I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
