I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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