we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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