I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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