he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
