I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just pee around me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
