Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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