quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
